Enduring Disappointments with Purpose

Recently I was having a conversation with my husband about all the things pulling me in different directions, when I suddenly began to cry, feeling as though all my effort was for naught. From home, work, my responsibilities as a wife and mother, my demanding church calling, being involved in the high school booster club, completing my schoolwork and attending weekly gatherings…  I was clearly overwhelmed and tired. On many occasions I can remember uttering a variation of the phrase, “things will calm down after…”  insert one of the following: I get this presentation complete, the kids are older, the holidays are over, we complete this fundraiser, I get these ministering interviews finished, I finish this essay… yet, things never really calm down.  It is not likely that life will slow down or hard times will ever just go away or become easier. However, things do settle or shift for a time and things seem to be manageable. There are many ways to persevere. The 2 things that I have found the most helpful are staying connected to my purpose and learning to adapt when disappointments come.

First and foremost, knowing why you endure through difficulties is essential to persevering. Keeping your purpose and goals at the forefront of all that you do helps you with the mental and emotional capacity to continue walking through a rough patch.  In the October 2007 General Conference address, Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, it's far greater value may make it the best choice of all.” Even though all the things that I am currently participating in are wonderful, meaningful efforts, the fact that I am feeling overwhelmed by them might be a reason to reevaluate why I am doing them. Are all of these things going to help me be a better wife and mother? Is it necessary to be spread so thin? Can I let something go and still be a good wife and mother? Having moments that force you to reflect on why you are doing something good or bad is important in finding balance. If I decide to decline helping set up the concession stand at the football game and then working the concession stand during the game does not mean I am not a supportive mother. Instead, I can spend the extra time at home with my family and then go and watch my child play in the game while fulfilling my purpose as a mother. There are times when we have to slow down, reflect and shift but all of these are in an effort to continue with forward momentum.

​In addition to having a purpose, disappointments are also a part of life. They can be self-inflicted, direct or even an indirect reaction to someone else's actions. Knowing and accepting that hiccups to plans or bad things will happen, brings you one step closer to moving through a trial. We can’t stop or avoid tribulations but we can learn how to respond when disappointments undoubtedly arise. At the age of 31, I was in my lawyers office signing documents that would end my marriage. With 4 small children, living away from all of my support system, no steady way to provide for my family, I was very unprepared to be a single mom. There were many times during those 4 years when I was so frustrated that my carefully thought out life had not gone the way I had planned. I was grateful for the support and encouragement my children and I received that helped get us through that time. The path I had to walk was not very clear nor was it without unexpected turns, u turns and debris in the road, but ultimately the path got us where we needed to be. Allowing a trial to become a barrier that stops us in our tracks and eventually abandoning our path would keep us stunted and miserable. Acknowledgement of disappointment is necessary. Only after we acknowledge the obstacle, can we plan a way around that hurdle and better prepare us for the next interference to occur.

Undoubtedly, my experiences as a single mother and juggling the many hats I wear today have taught me much about perseverance.  I feel fortunate to have a husband who can support me as I edit the path I'm on, encouraging me through disappointments, as I work towards my goals.  It is through these life experiences where I have had to re-align my actions with my purpose and learn time and time again to acknowledge a disappointment then work through it, that I have broadened my ability to persevere.