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Halloween has always been a favorite of mine throughout my life. With an October Birthday 10 days before the beloved holiday, my birthday parties often involved a costume theme. My mom usually went all out for holidays so costume selection for the special day was always very well thought out and put together. As my mom was also a creative, her many years growing up in Grandmas sewing rooms came in handy as she constructed our costumes. As I am my mothers daughter, I too enjoyed constructing costumes for myself and my children. I do believe my kids are also big Halloween fans too! Here are my 10 Favorite costumes throughout the years. 1. Cats
2. Beetlejuice 3. Mariachi Band 4. R2D2 & C3PO 5. Elvis
6. Demagorgan 7. Alien Encounter
8. 80ies Housewife 9. Roller Derby 10. Rockford Peach
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 I arrived in Florida at 9:30 p.m., exhausted, disoriented, and running purely on adrenaline. As soon as I landed, my phone buzzed. A text from James: we were meeting his family at Chef Mickey’s—a character buffet inside one of the Disney World resorts.
I remember just staring at my phone, confused. It was late. I had just spent six hours on a plane. I felt rumpled, tired, and completely unprepared to meet his entire family in what felt like a very public, very performative setting. This wasn’t a casual hello the next morning over breakfast. This wasn't even just his parents- this was parents, older sister, niece, little sister, sisters fiancé... This was Disney. Characters. A spectacle. I rushed into the airport bathroom and did the best I could with what little I had—splashing water on my face, fixing my hair, trying to look presentable while my nerves churned. I was anxious in a way I couldn’t quite articulate. I wanted to make a good impression. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be enough. When I met James at baggage claim, there was no pause, no check-in to see how I was feeling or whether I wanted a moment to breathe. We grabbed my luggage and headed straight for the car, off toward Disney World. I told myself this was just his personality—big gestures, big moments, no downtime. I pushed my discomfort aside, again. As we drove, I tried to collect myself. I reminded myself that this trip was important, that this was part of a future we were actively building. Still, something about the rush, the lack of choice, the way the evening was already scripted without my input sat quietly in the back of my mind. I didn’t yet have language for it. I only knew that I felt small, overwhelmed, and strangely invisible—on a night that was supposed to be about welcoming me into his world.
Luke and I have been together for 10 years. It feels significant. I am forever grateful that he poked fun of my profile pictures on the dating website all those years ago. If it wasn't for that, we would have never crossed paths. I truly believe that we met at the exact right time for both of us and all 6 of our children. Blending this family has not been flawless but our children love each other. I am forever proud to have built this family with Luke. We mended hearts and found what we were all needing in each other. Now we only have 2 at home. Our oldest away at school, 2 serving church missions in South America, 1 living in another state... It's so hard letting these gets grow up! I miss our family and look forward to the days when we can gather everyone home again.
 I met James Martin while home (San Jose, CA) visiting for my sister's missionary farewell. I lived in Provo, UT, at the time and was attending hair school. While I was home, my sister wanted me to go with her to the Young Adult Ward, so I obliged. My friend Andrew came up to me and said I had to meet this guy from Florida. “He played football at Vanderbilt University and is currently a 49er football player.” I brushed off my friend and thought nothing of it. Later that week, I attended the Young Adult dance with my friend Jessica. We met the infamous 49er, and needless to say… we were both unimpressed. He was so arrogant and only wanted to talk about himself and how cool and successful he was. I went back to Provo and didn’t give him a second thought.
A couple of months later, as I was finishing up hair school, I found a lump in my breast and quickly settled my affairs in UT to prepare for surgery back in California to have the lump removed. When I moved home, I began attending the Young Adult Ward. In the short few months since my last visit, there were only a handful of friends remaining in the ward as others had moved away. However, amongst these friends was the 49er, James. As I settled into life back in California, the new addition to our friend group meant I spent more and more time with James. Eventually, I decided he wasn’t so bad after all. We started dating in May of 2002, and it was immediately clear that this relationship was moving with the intention of marriage. Everything happened fast—faster than I had any real experience with. I was heavily pursued. James was grand in his gestures, confident, and very convincing. I was swept off my feet. At the time, he was in a lucrative career and had the money to impress me. He knew exactly how to use it. Baseball games in San Francisco, flowers delivered just because, fancy restaurants, spontaneous lunch dates—things that felt glamorous and grown-up to a girl who had never been courted like that before. I had never experienced that level of attention, and I was impressionable. Looking back, I can see how intoxicating it all was. There were moments early on that gave me pause. Conversations about men’s and women’s roles in marriage that didn’t sit right with me. Statements that felt rigid, outdated, or dismissive. But I brushed them aside. I told myself he was joking. Or worse, I convinced myself that I could change that part of him. I cringe now at how easily I minimized my own discomfort. But at the time, I was in love—or at least in love with the version of the future I was being shown. As we grew more serious, marriage became a constant topic of conversation. Plans were discussed openly and often. We were set to travel to Florida in July to meet his family. He had already left for Florida on a business trip, and I was scheduled to fly out a few days later. The night before my flight, he spoke with my parents and told them he had changed his plan. Instead of proposing in Santa Cruz with my family, like he had planned, he said he wanted to propose in Florida with his family present. Since we would eventually live in California near my family, he felt it was important for his family to be part of that moment. At the time, it sounded thoughtful. Reasonable. Even considerate. However, I'm pretty sure my parents started to see it for what it was—the first real lesson in how easily plans could be rewritten, decisions reframed, and moments redirected, all while being presented as acts of love.  Whenever I need to unwind or need some background noise, I tend to throw on a series. There is something comforting in hearing some of these actor's voices, portraying some of my favorite characters... it gives me peace and sometimes helps me concentrate. Here are 10 Series that I can watch over and over again, till the end of time:
Honorable Mentions:
Schitt's Creek - Moira Rose forever! Felicity Explains it All To All the Boys I've Loved Before  Today has been one of the most emotionally draining days I’ve had in a long time. Tears have consumed me, and the ache in my chest feels unbearable. It’s been a year since I’ve seen my son. What’s worse, he won’t even answer my calls or respond to my messages. My ex-husband has made it a point to remind me that my son allegedly “hates” me, claiming that my son now sees the “truth” about me and the supposed lies I’ve told.
It’s all projection, of course. My ex’s favorite pastime: turning his misdeeds, his mistakes, and his toxic behavior into weapons against me. As if enduring a 10-year marriage filled with gaslighting and manipulation wasn’t enough, he continues to rewrite history to fit his narrative, leaving me to pick up the shattered pieces of our shared past. What pains me most, perhaps, is the realization that I let this happen. I trusted him—again. Despite every warning from my gut, I allowed my son to move out of state with his father, convinced that it was the right thing to do. I’ll never understand why I continue to ignore my intuition, that small but persistent voice inside me. Now, here I sit, watching the fallout of that decision unfold. My son has been pulled further and further away, not just from me but from his stepdad, his siblings, his half-siblings, and his step-siblings. My ex’s manipulation is nothing if not predictable, yet it still cuts deep every time. For my own sanity, I feel compelled to write this all down. I need to untangle the web of lies, gaslighting, and distortions that have clouded my memories and left me questioning the past. There’s no making this up; the truth is too wild, too painful, and, frankly, not flattering to me either. But it’s real. And maybe writing it all out will help me find clarity amid the chaos. What will I do with this account of my life? I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll write a book and finally give in to my friends’ insistence that I share my story. Maybe it will become a TikTok series, a raw and unfiltered tell-all. Or perhaps this will remain just for me—a private account of survival, healing, and resilience. Whatever the purpose, I know I can’t keep these feelings and stories bottled up any longer. This is my truth, messy and imperfect, but mine nonetheless. And today feels like the first step toward reclaiming it. After my mom made the difficult decision to move us from Tennessee to California, we embarked on a road trip to our new home. I believe it took us about 3-4 days to travel by minivan, though the actual journey is a bit of a blur. What stands out vividly, however, is the moment we arrived at Grandma’s house. Mom barely had time to put the car in park before she ran up the porch and through the front door. The five of us kids followed timidly, crossing the lawn and climbing the porch steps. Walking through the door of that tiny house, I’ll never forget seeing Grandma in her sitting chair, with Mom kneeling at her feet, her head resting in Grandma’s lap. Grandma’s soft, joyful giggles filled the room as she lovingly stroked her daughter’s hair. For the first time, I truly understood that Grandma wasn’t just my grandma—she was also a mom, offering comfort and solace to her child. We stayed with Grandma until we found a house of our own. Grandma, Glenda Lucille Cowell Harwell, was a talented seamstress who ran a small but successful drapery business from her home. Her workspace was a large back room equipped with two sizable cutting tables and four sewing machines (including a serger). This was where I learned to sew. Grandma encouraged us to experiment with her machines and drapery scraps, and I delighted in trying to make pillows and clothes. While my creations were far from impressive, I discovered a deep love for creating. Moving to Bakersfield was particularly exciting because it brought us closer to family. We had cousins nearby—Michelle, Kristi, Carrie, and Amber. Carrie, who was just a couple of months younger than me, became my built-in best friend. She was the perfect companion, introducing me to her friends and making me feel welcome. Looking back, I realize how mature it was for an eight-year-old to embrace her cousin so warmly and help her fit into a new social circle. It was a huge blessing, especially as starting at a new school was intimidating.  Carrie and Cindi 1989 Shortly after our arrival in California, I began third grade at Norris Elementary School. Luckily, Carrie was in my class, along with some of the friends she had introduced me to over the summer. I loved Norris! The school was surrounded on all sides by cotton fields, and driving through acres of farmland to get there was a unique experience. Because of its location, we often had “fog delays”—mornings when the fog was so dense that students weren’t allowed on the playground for safety reasons. I remember arriving early on those foggy mornings and playing games like “smear the queer” (an outdated and inappropriate name, but that’s what it was called in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s). Those mornings were some of my favorites. Another highlight of this time was when my mom started an All-Star Cheer program. She invited students from across the district to try out for a new cheerleading team, which became a fantastic opportunity to make lifelong friends. Through cheerleading, I continued to pursue a passion I loved while bonding with new teammates. We participated in fundraisers, performances, and exhibitions, creating cherished memories and building connections within the community. The Kern County All-Star Cheerleaders eventually began competing, and the program grew into a thriving competitive sport in Bakersfield. Bakersfield was a wonderful place for me. I cherished the attention that came with being the daughter of a well-known and respected mom. Our family was warmly embraced by relatives and friends in the community. We found support through our church, school, cheerleading, and the close-knit relationships my mom formed at Dancers Workshop. We also enjoyed participating in the Melodrama. This time in Bakersfield was a period of healing for us as we navigated life after losing our dad, and I will always be grateful for the love and support we experienced there.
Recently I was having a conversation with my husband about all the things pulling me in different directions, when I suddenly began to cry, feeling as though all my effort was for naught. From home, work, my responsibilities as a wife and mother, my demanding church calling, being involved in the high school booster club, completing my schoolwork and attending weekly gatherings… I was clearly overwhelmed and tired. On many occasions I can remember uttering a variation of the phrase, “things will calm down after…” insert one of the following: I get this presentation complete, the kids are older, the holidays are over, we complete this fundraiser, I get these ministering interviews finished, I finish this essay… yet, things never really calm down. It is not likely that life will slow down or hard times will ever just go away or become easier. However, things do settle or shift for a time and things seem to be manageable. There are many ways to persevere. The 2 things that I have found the most helpful are staying connected to my purpose and learning to adapt when disappointments come.
There is a lot going on in this world right now and it can be scary. On a regular day, I sometimes feel that I’m not doing enough. I get so overwhelmed by the things in this world that I can’t change. I have good intentions and try to make all these changes to show compassion and support but quickly become even more overwhelmed by outsiders expectations of me. Tonight as I sat down with my family for dinner, I was overcome with hope. My children were discussing how yesterday, while my husband was sick in bed and I was off on my 2nd home showing for the day, they had gathered together to study our weekly Sunday School lesson. Without any adults or promptings by an adult, they took the opportunity to gather, study, and pray. This, I thought, is how I can make a change. To the world, this might not make enough of a difference but this is the 1 thing I can make a change. My priority is to raise these children to be kind, accepting, forgiving, service minded, loving, safe, educated, responsible, prayerful adults. This I can do.  Bailey Family 2019 Our new back yard is double the size of the home we rented for the past few years. Needless to say... we are excited! Whats funny is I have grand plans for our backyard but when I think of all the things I'd like to add... there will be no room for me and all the peoples. Here are 10 things I'd like to incorporate: 1. Outdoor Kitchen/Grill Friends, my man can grill! Being the food loving lady that I am, I want my man to have a place where he can grill me all the things! However, the grill is NOT the most pleasant thing to look at. I'm thinking Brick and concrete counter tops but I'm digging any of these options.
2. Firepit Yes, it is hot in AZ a good long chunk of the year but we do get some cool nights here in the desert. My kids love having friends over for the occasional "bonfire". We love to gather, hang out and who doesn't love s'mores? I wouldn't mind warming up in these spaces.
3. Pool I am very "square" when it comes to pools. I like clean, straight lines where I can sit in one spot and see every inch of the pool. Plus I love the look a symmetrical pool can bring to a space. The last pic is all my kids dreams in one but looks like a stressful day at the pool to me...
4. Trampoline I had an in ground trampoline growing up and it was the best! It is always a challenge to include a trampoline in your backyard design but I think the in ground tramps are the way to go.
5. Chicken Coop I was not raised on a farm, nor did I spend much time chasing chickens as a kid... I just want one. I want my kids to have the responsibility of cleaning and looking after chickens. I also love the idea of getting free eggs and if ever there was a need... some flying dinner in the back yard.
6. Patio Dining I love eating outside and relaxing on the patio. I like playing games out there and chatting with the people I love. It really is happy place for me. I'm always on the lookout for stylish and comfortable patio furniture. I like inviting spaces like these...
7. Garden Whether its a flower garden or a vegetable garden, I have to have one. More opportunities for provident living and teaching kids responsibility and life skills? Sign. Me. Up.
8. Hammock We use our hammock a lot! Ours is a bit of an eye sore so I'm on the hunt for an aesthetically pleasing space for a hammock in our outside living space. I'm definitely in love with these...
9. Pergola I'm a sucker for a Pergola. It is more of a want for me... it's a need. Nothing makes an outdoor space complete quite like a pergola. Love, love, love them!
10. Backyard Miscellaneous No backyard is complete without a ping pong table, projector theatre and extra storage, right?! Well all of this would be a great bonus to any backyard of a home that is about to be over run by teenagers!
Let's be honest, I'll be lucky to incorporate any of this in my new backyard. From the looks of it now, only half of my list is realistic for our space. Now it's time to narrow it down and map it out so I can present it to the husband...
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AuthorHi I'm Cindi! When I'm not chasing after kids or dogs... oh wait, that never happens! Archives
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