|
“You think you know… but you have NO idea.” Please tell me you wasted many precious hours of your life watching The Real World on MTV like I did!? Well, That phrase sums up any 30 something year old person reflecting back on their 20 something year old self. I didn’t mean to be so naive but I just think as 20 year olds, we just haven’t gained enough life experience to know any better. Sure, I had hard times, made dumb choices, but nothing compared to the trials I had to conquer in my 30ies. When my father passed away, my mom found herself a widow, not enough education to sustain a career, all the debt you could imagine a young mom with a very sick husband might have, 5 young children, at 35 years old. The very thought gives me painful chills. I admire my mother for many reasons but mostly because of how hard she worked to provide not just a good life, but a GREAT life for me and my siblings. Nothing glamorous at all, but as a kid, I never felt deprived of anything. I’m sure she spent many a night trying to figure out how she would put dinner on the table the next night, but she managed mothering, working, serving at church, coaching cheer (which if you’ve ever been a cheer coach you know it doesn’t pay squat!) AND going to school.  Carters Circa 1991 As I grew older, I often thought about if I were in her shoes, what would I do? How would I sustain a life for myself? My Kids? This question is ultimately what pushed me into the Cosmetology Industry. Don’t be fooled, it wasn’t a totally practical decision. I was also very excited to explore my creativity through hair styling and the added bonus of helping others feel good about themselves… all very appealing to this . The goal was to go to hair school and work as a stylist while I went to College. I met a guy and got married 6 months after I finished hair school (2002), never once stepping into a College, and plans of a short career styling hair and then many years of raising babies. Flash forward 10 years (2012), I found myself isolated from family in a new state, crippling anxiety/depression (they tend to be a package deal) and going through a very difficult divorce with 4 young children at my ankles. Oh CRAP, doesn’t even do it justice. When I moved to Arizona a few years before the divorce, I was so overwhelmed by my 4-year-old, 3-year-old, 2-year-old and an almost 1-year-old, that I didn’t even tell anyone that I did hair. It wasn’t that I didn’t love it, I just didn’t want to get myself back in the position of never telling anyone “no” and cutting hair that would fall on my babies faces while they stood, sat, laid at my feet, screaming for my attention. However, with a fresh new divorce, I hopped on the internet, bought a hydraulic chair and started taking clients out of my home.  Fall 2012 It was the perfect job for me during that time. It allowed me the flexibility of pretending like I was a stay at home mom while helping to supplement a tiny bit of income. I would only take clients when my kids were at school, napping or with their dad. I wasn’t rolling in the dough by any means but it helped ease the financial burden a bit. I still have a small clientele of friends that I get to see regularly but over the past 5 years I’ve dabbled here and there with other ventures that could have been great for me but were too difficult for me to balance family life, work, and mental/emotional stability. I really wanted to be the type who could do the single mom thing and start an at home business and just be Successful in all the things. Boy did I reach my limits fast! Guess what, it turns out that I can’t do it all. I just learned (the hard way) that I could just do some and that was going to have to be enough. It took a lot of trial and error and a massive amount of faith but we got through it. So many life lessons we learn amidst challenges. Sometimes we learn them quickly, other times very, very slowly. “THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU CAN ONLY LEARN IN A STORM.” – JOEL OSTEEN (I HATE THAT I JUST QUOTED HIM BUT I CAN RECOGNIZE WORDS OF WISDOM WHEN I HEAR THEM.) Now that my kids are older and am happily remarried, I’m ready to attempt a new adventure. I really love cutting hair and I think I will always do that but I’m looking to do something that can bring in a more consistent contribution… I know what i’m gonna do but I’m note ready to put it out there yet. Stay tuned. and FYI… It took my Mom 20 Years to graduate College but she did it and that’s pretty awesome!
3 Comments
 There are a million things I want to tell my self/husband/children on the daily but the only thing I can regularly manage is “I love you”. Everything else I’ve left up to the many post it’s, chalkboards, laminated magnets, letterboard, rocks, and whiteboards that coat the walls of our abode. Some are uplifting, others are irreverent, all are important. Here are my 10 favorites:
1. “If you can be one thing, Be Kind.” – In a perfect world, I would have given a formal family counsel where we would talk in depth about kindness. I would have shared inspiring stories of big hearted people sharing and caring for all who cross their paths. Then I would have given an index card to each family member and encouraged them to write out a personal goal of kindness and tape (yet another) card to the wall as a reminder. Things I had planned to do… Alas, the only thing I did was read this quote out loud, called it our back to school theme, gave them a quick little ditty over dinner the night before school started and slapped it on the letterboard in the downstairs bathroom. 2. “No Techno Time, TV, or Toys in the morning!!” – I have some independent kids and a few that need a little extra guidance. Every August when we get back into the daily grind that is school, I always have a kid or 2 that struggles with staying on task in the mornings. It only takes me 1 bad morning… till I spend an entire day coming up with new ways to organize my children. Enter CHORE CHART. I seriously have to create a new system 3x a year just to keep these kids on their toes. This phrase is always hand written on the top of the chore chart in BIG letters, laminated and displayed so nicely on my fridge. I’ve noticed that when they have a personal list of what needs to happen next, they are more likely to be self sufficient when preparing themselves, and our home for the day. Plus, I don’t have to yell as much. 3. “The Season for Prayer is always.” – A few years ago, I taught a class for the women of my church on Sundays. This particular Sunday the topic was on Prayer. This quote stood out from the entire lesson so I busted out my chalk pens and spent way too much time creating beautiful lettering on my framed chalkboard. It ended up looking so good that I have not dared to erase it! It is a large board and placed strategicly in the family room. Hopefully someone is inspired to pray. 4. “Has anyone fed the kids?” – I saw this quote printed on a cute pendant in a picture my girlfriend posted to Instagram. I was too cheap to buy one and just so happened to have all the supplies to make one so I did. I just thought it was clever and witty. Now it hangs next to my table as a beacon for food. 5. “Even if ‘everyone is doing it’, Wrong is NEVER Right.” – During a biannual church conference, I heard this quote in this talk. It was like a bell ringing and lingering in my ears and I immediately determined this was something I needed for my children to know. Yet another framed chalkboard fell victim to my chalkpens and quickly became a permanent fixture to our home. This one I keep right at the exit of our home so that whenever someone leaves the house, they leave with great words of wisdom. 6. “No Tampons down the pooper!” – After much debate on how our monthly clogged toilet came to be… my husband snaked the toilet and found the obstruction. Sigh. Ever since the first day Aunt Flow came to visit, I have been flushing lady sticks down the toilet. I shared a bathroom with 6 sisters, was I the only one doing this wrong? Dad, did you just quietly unclog all the thrones of our castle on the reg? Needless to say, I had to break a 20+ yr old habit. So the night after my husband showed me the error of my ways, I jokingly wrote this reminder on a hot pink index card and taped it above the TP holder. We laughed pretty hard about it but that 3×5 card has saved me on more than one occasion. 7. “We can do hard things.” – I don’t even remember where I got this from. I do remember knowing in a counseling session that this was going to be my mantra as I paddled through the rough waters of my divorce. In fact the night before my ex husband and I sat our little children down to tell them of our split, I painted it on a sign. I used to chant it over and over again in my head as I struggled with all the difficulties as a single mom. I would remind my kids these words whenever they were having a hard time or even on encouraging notes left on their desks at school. This simple phrase was often all I needed to remind me to get on my knees and pray. Is it weird that a sentence means so much to me? IDK. I still hang the sign I painted in our home. It makes me happy when I see it. 8. “Scooter ~ Our beloved fur brother and friend~ August 26, 2010-August 18, 2016” – Our kids really struggled with the loss of our dog Scooter. Even the kids that didn’t like him where pretty busted up over his absence. After a few weeks and still high emotions, A friend suggested a formal memorial/funeral would provide the kids some closure… So for FHE we talked about the plan of happiness. We all stood and shared a favorite memory of our dear Scooter, wrote letters to him which were tied to balloons and sent with love up above. It’s really hard to watch your kids be sad but I’m very grateful that we were able to have this lesson on grieving. I took a smooth river rock from the front yard and made it into a type of headstone and it sits on the hearth of our fireplace. RIP Scooter. 9. “There will always be more Blessings than Burdens even if some days it doesn’t seem so.” – I think this one I found on Pinterest but I know that it comes from here. Life is difficult! Sometimes I feel like I’m barely able to master one trial when another one creeps into sight. It can be overwhelming and too often I find myself feeling discouraged or defeated. So I like to surround myself with words to buoy me up when I’m in need. This one is up on the whiteboard helping me to just keep swimming. 10. “Pray, Damnit” – While doing the dishes at my Sisters home in UT, I noticed a small tile next to her faucet that said “Choose the Right, Damnit”. I laughed so hard! I loved that it was so blunt. I don’t typically have a difficult time making good choices but I do need to work on my prayer game. I wrote it on a post it and put it on the side of my nightstand so I would see it when I laid my head onto my pillow at night and… when I opened my eyes in the morning. Do you have reminders around your home? Do you notice reminders in others homes? What is your favorite reminder? Do tell. Originally Posted on March 3, 2017 I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years now and I love it. Hands down the best job I’ve EVER had! Since I divorced 5 years ago, I’ve tried a couple of things here and there. I am a licensed cosmetologist and have kept fairly busy cutting hair out of my home. I love doing hair but for me it has not been the most consistent income. I also started a cute little t-shirt company (@independentees) on instagram a few years ago. I took a simple idea from a tshirt by a fancy designer, which I could not afford, and made one for myself and it was an instant hit. I was unprepared for the overnight success of it and a few weeks into it, I was awarded 90ish% custody of my children. My kids were not in a very good place and were in desperate need of my full attention. So with the change in custody I was unable to stay on top of my sales and shipments… eventually someone else took the idea and has made a very successful business out of it. It’s been frustrating to know that I had an idea that could have really benefited my family but I know in my heart, that I was doing what my little family needed at the time. I also tried to fill in as a receptionist and accountants assistant at my friends real estate company here and there but for the most part, I’ve been a full time mommy. Now that I’ve remarried, and my kids are a little more independent, I’m looking to get back out into the workforce. Since my business endeavors really never panned out, I’m finding that for the 3rd time in my adult life, I’m having to start over again. It can be a heavy burden at time to see my peers starting to get to that place of financial stability where as I feel that often times, I am spinning tricks to cover all life’s costs. There is a lot associated with being divorced that makes this extra difficult. Granted for the past 3 years I’ve had my children majority of the time, child support can only do so much. Don’t get me wrong, we have had plenty. I’ve had to use a big chunk of my savings, have had to re prioritize my spending (work in progress) and learned to live with out but these have all been great lessons for myself and my children. My husband is such a hard worker and I am always amazed at his ability to work LONG shifts and come home and immerse himself into our family. I’m ready to get out there and help so that we can put our dreams into reality. I had a real job interview a few days ago. I haven’t had one of those in 10+ years. It went really well… I think. I applied for a job as a “Ramp Agent” for a small airline here in the valley. A “Ramp Agent” is the people you see loading and unloading your luggage on/off the plane, driving the push back vehicles, and cleaning the planes at night. Nothing glamorous and considering the heat in the desert, it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s a part time gig with great benefits, as in free flights for me, my husband, and our 6 kids! So to me it’s totally worth it. I’ve been pretty pumped about it and constantly checking my email for a “congratulations, you’re hired” email. Haha… but today when I was thinking about the actual legistics of this job fitting into my schedule the one thing I forgot was… SUMMER. So much of our custody arrangement on both sides revolves around the fact that I’m a stay at home mom! (Heart Sinks) I’m bummed yet again feeling inadequate. Disappointed that even if I do get the job, I’ll probably have to turn it down. Adulting is hard. Post edit... a few weeks after posting this, I went to Real Estate school. So far it's been a great experience. |
AuthorHi I'm Cindi! When I'm not chasing after kids or dogs... oh wait, that never happens! Archives
December 2024
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed